Where Did Freetime Go?

After living through a winter which was below freezing, I never thought I'd consider 60 degrees cold ever again. Yet here I am, in my Californian mentality that any weather below 75 deserves a sweater, and under 60 degrees is unbearable. In Germany, I was the only person wearing a winter jacket by this time. I think I actually started wearing it in the middle of October, when it was about 55-60 degrees or so.
I'm tired. Homework and band is catching up to me. This week is all the normal practices, plus a random performance on Wednesday during school, a football game on Thursday and a competition on Saturday. This week also has civics unit homework due Wednesday (the day after major band practice), a test on Friday, a calculus quiz, and english notebooks are supposed to be turned in at some point, but Mr. Barrier keeps us hanging without a specific date, which is a good way to keep all his students stressed.
Life is keeping me busy, as always, but it has crossed the line from being a pleasant busy to being outright stressful. Things are chewing at me which shouldn't be when I'm occupied with a busy lifestyle. I have no time to deal with them, and they only add to the stress.
I'm ready for Christmas break already, and it's not even November yet. Weekends aren't enough time to get pulled together. Actually, I'm starting to think I have less time on the weekend than I do during the week.

The Shock has hit...

Culture shock comes in two waves. The first comes immediately. The different tastes, smells, sights, sounds…the various senses are shocked by what lies before them. The brain couldn’t even begin to imagine what is in the new environment before it was fully submerged in the midst of it. These obvious differences are frightening. They throw you off-balance. They confuse you.

The second wave is the subtler, but in the end it moves more mountains. I’m talking about the different ideals, the different beliefs, the different priorities. You may be lost as to why anyone would think the way these people think. Most of the time you become indignant, because you feel that these ideals that surround you are threatening your own. You believe at first that your way is the only way that can be right, because it’s the only way you know. But once you take down your defenses and open up to the possibility that yeah, these new beliefs are not right, not wrong, but different, then you start to change. The new ideals start to take root in you now that your door is open. They are no longer threatening to extinguish your traditional beliefs, but peacefully coexist. In some cases, yes, there are 180 degree turns, and traditional beliefs are abandoned completely. But the point is, there is an internal struggle which comes with culture shock, and it can send reverberations throughout your entire life.

Reverse culture shock is much the same, but almost all subtleties. There are the two waves, like the initial culture shock, but the first one is only as extreme as walking into Costco for the first time in a year and being appalled by the amount of useless bulk.

The second wave really lasts the longest, or so I assume, since I’ve only been back for 3 ½ months. It consists mainly of the lessons learned from being submerged in a different culture, and being able to compare them to the life back here. This category also consists of shocks you get from realizing the ideals you miss from your second home, which aren’t found here.

I miss my second home, yes. But more specifically, there are certain aspects of it I miss in particular. That realization, that I actually miss the one-time dreaded “Sprechstunden,” hit me today like a pan to the back of the head. Once upon a time I had difficulty being open. I kept all my emotions and opinions to myself, because that’s the environment in which I was raised. It was one of the most difficult aspects of myself I had to overcome that year. And I succeeded, to some degree. Maybe part of my closed-ness is tied to the part of my personality that cannot be altered.

There are few with whom I can now speak openly with. To be frank, most people don’t care about what I’ve gone through, even my friends. I hold nothing against them. They have their own lives to run without having to listen to stories which don’t relate to them in any way.

The only part that bugs me about that is that they are then content to rely on the Old Rachael formula to predict my decisions and reactions. What they fail to realize is how much Germany has shaped me in the past year. Sometimes I feel like the majority of me was changed during the past year. Germany is I. So by refusing to give interest, they are refusing me as a person.

I realize that I am a quiet person. A friend of mine told me recently that I lead such a “mysterious life.” I have to say that I was more open until I realized how little interest most people had in life beyond the border. That would turn anyone off. That could be one reason I have regressed back into my shell.

I’ve been trying to convey emotions and opinions to certain people, though, and most times instead of getting the emotional support I got from my host mom, I get tuned out. Some people don’t seem to have an interest in what or even how I think. Or even if they listen, they discredit it. You’re only imagining things. You’re just a teenager. What you feel makes no sense in the real world, so you can get that out of your head right now.

I miss the understanding. And even when I couldn’t be understood, because of language, or the concept was beyond comprehensibility, I still got advice and help as far as could be understood. People would actively help to seek solutions if you were feeling down or insecure, instead of shirking the responsibility and letting you take care of your own self.

I realize American culture isn’t like this. That’s why this is called reverse culture shock. There would be no shock if the case was the same everywhere.

First Comp, First Place!

Yesterday was the Marching Mariners' first field show competition at Newport Harbor High school. We rocked. Hard.
We won 1st place in our division (AA)
Best percussion (as well as percussion sweepstakes for A, AA, and AAA)
Best visual performance
Best general effect.
Yeah, we definitely rock.
So now we've proven to ourselves that we can do our show well. Now we need to prove that we can hold our title.
Jon managed to make it down to Costa Mesa to see us and hang out. Actually, he got there late, so he really only got to hang out. It was still fun, though. I enjoyed seeing him there.
I was late myself. I had to take SATs down in Long Beach in the morning, so I missed the entire morning rehearsal. I didn't even get to Costa Mesa until about an hour before we marched onto the field. Why do SATs always have to run so late? It's nervewracking enough, so why draw it out by starting a half hour late?
So I feel pretty confident about my test. I have no doubt it'll turn out better that the scores I got in Germany (on the essay, at least). And no, I can't tell you what I wrote about. Not for another few weeks, at least. I'm surprised how many people asked me about that. I signed my name on a paper that said I wouldn't talk about it, people. Be patient.

My Family

My family:These are only a percentage of my cousins. We're getting so much older now. We actually get to take pictures in the street now!Some things never change. That playset has been around my gma's backyard since I was their age. My cousins and I would play with it the same way they still do.

The newest addition to our family. Dylan is so cute!
Nika showing off our pies. We are American. We are, we are. We even bought them.

Reunion of Friends (+Bonfire Pics)

My traveled, dusty feet have been washed, the visual proof of my journey gathered. Now I can proceed with the details of my day.

I just got back from the bonfire with Miguel and Irene. Actually, we were only at the bonfire until about 10:20 (the beaches close completely at 10:00, but the lifeguard only came around once, so we stayed around until we saw the headlights again). You can tell how long we stayed by our parking meter.
We were pretty lucky we didn't get ticketed that time.

We were with a group of all college student (mostly music majors) from Cal State Fullerton and Chapman. Irene and I talked with each other most of the time, and when Miguel wasn't otherwise engaged with the others, he'd be talking with us too. It was a great time to catch up. The three of us were great buddies my sophomore year, and since then we haven't gotten a lot of chances to hang out and just talk.

So afterwards we left the group and went out to Starbucks and hung out there for an hour or so, so that we could hang out and talk. It's amazing how with some people you can seemingly talk forever on a million different topics, while with other people you can't seem to say a word. Irene, Miguel and I could talk forever about coffee, dreams, and various randomness. I can't do that with everyone, and I don't understand why. I guess I should just accept the fact that with some groups I'm more comfortable and therefore more inclined to talk. I'm a shy and quiet person, most of the time. But with these people, I'm as hyper and talkative as anyone. We just click.

Guess who I saw outside of Starbucks? Chris Wood! I haven't seen him since forever ago, back when he graduated from being one of Pacifica's champion debaters and impromptuers to bigger and better things. Apparently he had to drop out of UCI, though, for financial reasons. It's sad. College life has done him some good, though. He says he's done a 180 on his political views. He used to be an uber conservative on the debate team. Now he's a fellow liberal. Score.

I'm going to miss out on running into people I know like that if I go to college out of state, or even out of SoCal. It's interesting to run into people you haven't seen in nearly a year-and-a-half and never expected to see again in your life. What are the chances of meeting up with someone you know randomly, anywhere, at any given time?

What else happened today? Oh, I was kind of disappointed with the Cow Chip Bingo. It wasn't really that exciting, but then again I left before any excitement occured. I didn't stay that long. There are other interesting activities to do besides watching cows wander around. The boredom makes you want to break out the camera and sneak up on people and take a picture of them.

Okay, so here are the pictures of Miguel, Irene and I that I promised. We've been needing to catch up on some new photos as well as on our lives.

The pic of the three of us came out pretty well,
even if they don't really smile :]

Miguel was too lazy to make a s'more at
the end, so he put it together at the beginnning
and roasted everything over the fire.
Needless to say, it burnt. I declined
to try it.Gangsta? Nah...Let's just stick with the normal, "Pacifican"
Miguel and Rachael.I think we need to figure out if we are
supposed to smile or take a funny pic.

Irene got some nice pictures on her camera, and I managed to nick one off her myspace, so here it is:
We really need to pick a pose and stick with it. It was a pretty good picture, though, and the photographer got a bonfire and the background!