Reflections of this Year Gone Past

It's amazing how fast time goes. A year ago today was my first dawn in the country that would change my life. Those ten and a half months flew by faster than I thought that they would. The first few months were the slowest; the effort to communitcate, understand, and interact with those around me sapped up energy and left me drained. I couldn't believe it when a mere month had past. It felt like it was at least a year.
Then things started picking up. I could get my point across easier. I made some friends. I picked up new activities to consume my time. I wasn't doing nearly as many activities, nor such time-consuming activities as I had pursued at home, but they still made the time go by faster.
Sometimes I still felt drained of all energy. There were still tough times, bad times, problems. On occasion you'd just wish that the year would end quickly, so that you could be rid of the pain. Or you'd want some kind of power to fast forward time til the troubles were gone.
Those were foolish thoughts. It's the bad times which make you grow the most.
Everything always seems shorter on the other side of Christmas. The year wasn't even half over, and you suddenly felt like you had to cram everything in that you hadn't done. By that time I was more comfortable and settled into the daily routines. Friendships were growing. Language was better.
Then March hit.
For me, it was the best time of my life followed closely by the worst. Midstay was one of the most exciting things that ever happened to me (excluding exchange in general). I made lots of friends and experienced a lot of new aspects of life. My family was good to me, and it made me rethink some of the stuff I'd put up with in my other one. Midstay was like going on a retreat: you leave feeling mediocre and come back rejuvenated. I was prepared to continue my life with my family, whom I'd been having problems with, and start out like new. I felt like we could solve all the issues that we'd had. Less than 24 hours after I'd returned, those feelings were dashed, and I felt like my world was collapsing. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I had to leave.
It's one thing to go somewhere not knowing the language, the culture, having nothing to hold onto, and start a life. It's another to relocate, knowing the language, culture, and having nothing but the feeling that you've failed.
March was a bad month.
But it got better.
My new family was better. Much better. We understood each other. My host mom helped me grapple with my feelings of guilt and uncertainty. I had no idea how much confidence I'd lost during my ordeal. Slowly we got life pulled together. What I love about them most is how they have multiple reasons for every decision they make, and are firm with them. And whenever I offered different reasons, they accepted that and maybe changed their policies, if my way seemed more efficient. And vice versa, as well.
Problems? Sure, we had our problems. But we developed a way of communication in order to be up front about them. It hurts feelings more to live in the same house with someone and avoid talking with them than to be open about how you feel. We solved all our problems with a little time.
The last four months were awesome. If you hear me talking about Germany, that's probably what you'll hear about.
My single regret about the year was switching so late. I wish that I had realized that I needed to leave sooner. Then again, if I had left earlier, I might not have gotten the same host family that I got in March.
The most exciting part? There are so many.
Look at how breathtaking life can be.